I’m having a hard time getting anything done this morning as I’m having a horrible time dealing with the actor Heath Ledger’s death. Absolutely horrible. I’ll be dammed if I don’t know why this is so tough for me. I’ve watched some of his movies – he felt like a very kind and gifted soul. Granted – age 28 is too young to die. I can’t recall meeting him on any level at any time. That doesn’t mean I haven’t – I just don’t remember if I had. I’m trying to avoid the news as I keep seeing news about his death. It only makes me cry and cry and cry. The way my emotions are acting you would have thought we were friends. I believe I can feel his presence in my office. I can feel his sadness – he cries and he’s quiet. He’s scared – he feels like an idiot. But I’m not one to jump on if it is actually him I feel. I keep trying to give myself reality checks. Yet – he’s still here. My office is very cold – no matter how much heat I keep pumping into the room. When I allow myself to believe it is him – I get that energy rush through my body. The energy that tells me I’m not crazy. Yet — I’m still skeptical. I can’t help but ask myself – why would he come to me when there are many known and gifted mediums? Why am I having such a hard time with his death?
I can feel my friend Dave. Heath is off to my right – Dave to my left. I ask Dave if he will talk to Heath. He says yes. I can hear Heath saying – what have I done? What have I done? I introduce them – Dave this is Heath, Heath this is Dave. Dave’s a friend of mine who was a firefighter and police office who died in a car accident because he did not have his seat belt on when he ran a stop sign. Dave says – accidents are not accidents. Dave helps Heath up. Heath looks back and me and I tell him that he can come back anytime – but that Dave needs to talk to him about what is going on. The two of them disappear.
My office is still chilly – but I can no longer see my breath – which is nice.
Now I KNOW that was Dave and I know we had a convo. So why is it so difficult for me to wrap my mind around Heath? Because in life he was famous? Could be. Or it could be that I’m a huge skeptic until something happens to me several times over. I can still see Heath in my mind’s eye – very vivid. I don’t know why he keeps showing me a mole on his back left hip. I have no idea if the man actually had one — or why he would show this to me.
So here I am baffled and sad.
On the other side of my emotions – I am elated at the good news I got about Bill and about Matt. Very – very – very proud of them both. And very happy about what has taken place in their lives. Yesterday I cried for Bill – but it was a very happy cry. I’m just so damn proud of him.
Yesterday as well, images of my meadow had been entering my thoughts. I’m not sure why as I haven’t even thought about the place in a long time. But something about it keeps calling me to return.
My son and I just received our yellow belts in our karate class:) He was so tickled. I signed up to take a weapons class from the same place. I’m excited about that. So Tues & Thurs are my lesson days for karate and weapons:)
I had to just chuckle. Will is off to my left. He’s standing there with his hands in his pockets. I asked what he’s doing and he replies – waiting for you to ask me for help. Help for what, I ask. To take away your pain – he replies. As soon as Will replies to me, my hands get very hot. The kind of hot that happens when I do energy work. His energy is behind me – his left hand over the left side of my face, his right hand on my right shoulder. I can feel the pain of my tooth and the pain of Heath being removed from my body. I feel very light as this is going on. Will moves his right hand down to my right elbow to take away the pain of the tennis elbow. I hear him whisper – I’m always here for you – always. Then I hear him think – not like those other two (Bill and Ted). He moves around front and tells me that he loves me. In a blink of an eye, he’s gone.