I can’t get a darn thing done today and I’m about to throw a hissy fit. Why can’t I work? Bill and Ted — more Ted than Bill. His pull today is so strong today that I can’t seem to shut the door between us. I can hear him saying over and over — I’m not giving you up — I’m not giving you up to anyone. Over and over — and he keeps getting louder. One of the times I heard him today I had a flash vision of he and I out in the middle of a fricken downpour. It’s night – we’re out of the car and in the path of our headlights. He’s desperately trying to get me to understand that he loves me. That despite what people say about him, he is not a superficial moron. I scream at him — what do you want from me? He grabs my shoulders and replies – Let me love you! And that’s it. I can see his green eyes as plain as day, with tears running from them.
GOD! Why doesn’t Bill just get the trio together? That’s one of his jobs in this trio — he’s the one who brings us together. I wish I could pick up the phone and just yell at him to get off his ass and make this happen. I could care less what part of the world he’s in and what he’s doing. SIGH. Frustration — such hair-pulling frustration from my end. Good thing I’m going out with the girls on Sat night to drink and be a bit crazy. I need some let-loose time.
I think what promoted this door wide-open thing is the reading I got last night from my friend Tracey (who I’ve called Cindy all this time but she gave the okay to use her real name). I asked about the guys and this is what she said:
We see that indeed Bill is making progress, with regard to you, is recognizing what blocks him and hinders him from clear seeing and knowing. He is seeing what needs to be healed within him so that he can move towards you.
Bill is learning much about himself, his spiritual strengths, is accepting his psychic abilities, his spiritual gifts on a deeper level realizing that he can trust the information he sees, feels, senses, visions and dreams about with great expectancy that it is real and not an illusion. He is open to the lessons at hand and is learning them so that he can move to the next lesson and he is making choices in his life that bring forward his greatest progress, growth, emotionally as well as vocationally.
He is inspired and feels that he owes the inspiration to you. He is remembering more and more each day, and is amazed at how clearly he is seeing now, and understanding, what he is remembering is truly special to him, is beyond his own comprehension of amazing. He is in awe now.
Bill sees the part he is to play in this situation and knows of what he is to do but he wants to look to you, to connect to you, is trying to communicate to you to understand more of your role, to affirm your role in his life path. His answers are coming in more quickly now and he feels more comfortable with the insights he is gaining rather than automatically rejecting them. He is looking backward to all the signs that are pointing him in your direction and is on the cusp of leaping towards you. There is a deep longing and yearning for you right now, and this is so great it is causing him physical pain.
Ted has been through a lot in the past six months. We see that his lack of energy is a byproduct of the past events and relationship. In this situation, he has felt hurt, afraid, angry, rejected, belittled, ashamed, and all of these strong emotions have negatively affected him and have dimmed his light quite a bit, leaving him ever so sensitive.
As his sensitivity has sharpened, he has experienced remembering more and connecting to you, to the past, and the present, and desperately wants to know what lies ahead. He is recognizing some inner pain from past lifetimes when he lost you and this is upsetting to find that the external reason most often was Bill.
Because he blamed Bill in the past, he did not attend to his inner hurts. Ted is feeling these tremendous pains at this time, is feeling angry and frustrated with Bill, and trying to avoid him. In his heart, and mind, he is trying to accept all of these truths, and they are overwhelming emotionally.
Ted is exhausted, mentally overwhelmed, physically tired and feeling blue and sad. There is a great desire to be with you and he is having vivid dreams of you. He is feeling the love for you and feels he can be with you in the now without judging himself, being true to him this lifetime, rather than worrying that Bill is in love with you. There is some frustration about Bill not taking any steps towards you and he is on the verge of taking matters into his own hands, to charting the course. He does not intend to hand you over to Bill in this lifetime, as he is not sure that he can do it, thus he is strongly considering taking the step toward you without Bill’s knowledge.
So — where’s that beer? Sometimes I feel I’m right in the middle of some stupid soap opera and I want to run like hell the other way. I won’t though – run. No matter how frustrated I get, how pissed I get that things are taking too long — I am always just a phone call away.
Back to work I go…….