I’ve been bombarded by images and thoughts all day. It’s annoying and contributes to my already piss-poor mood. SIGH. You see, I made a huge life-decision yesterday – one that alters a few lives. I know that this change needed decided upon so that something will happen to again shift my life towards the course it needs to travel. This isn’t going to be easy. I’m sick with worry that I’m going to @uck up – yet I know what I had decided is what needed to be done.
I made this choice after I almost died yesterday. I was going out to my sister’s house to get pictures taken for the audio company. I was ready to go when all hell broke loose at home and I decided to take my son with me. That decision delayed my departure for about 30 sec. No biggie. Traveling down 585 towards Route 21, talking to my son when I hear this horrific crash. I turn and slammed on my breaks and just miss being another car in a collision. Had I left only seconds earlier, it would have been me that died in that crash and not the woman who did. It wasn’t my day to die. The crash was a sight that I wouldn’t wish anyone to see.
But it was the jolt I needed to make a difficult choice of what to do with my life. One that I’ve been putting off thinking that circumstances would take care of themselves. And in a way, I guess they did. So I may be distant, maybe have a sharp piss-poor attitude — I’m going to apologize ahead of time. This mood of mine though has no reflection on when I’m offering advice because it isn’t me so to say, it’s the Divine and there is no mood there but helpfulness, friendship and love. Just please bare with me. I’ll get my head of out my ass at some point – I always do. I may like change, I may know that change is needed, but to actually change — I’m a Taurus. What more can I say?
Now about the images/thoughts. I do need to go into any meditative state as they just play out right in front of me. Will, the new guy that I mentioned last week is right there. He’s about 12 years old than me with blue eyes and light brown hair. Yes, I am certain that he is not supposed to be Bill. I asked him why is he bugging me and was told that I’m here to help people right? Well, he needs my help. Although he doesn’t know why — yet. And he doesn’t appreciate me showing up in his dreams. I assured him that it wasn’t done on purpose – he tells me to make on purpose that I stay out. I ask – why the hostility. His reply — because you’ve passed me over lifetime over lifetime and I don’t want to get hurt by you AGAIN. Puzzled I am…and told him so. I don’t remember him – recall him from any past life memory. But since I’ve been around for quite some time — the memories could be buried somewhere and with my concentration on Bill and Ted — they could of been pushed aside.
So even though this guy is majorly annoyed with me — and I him — I told him that I had enough on my plate already with a sneaky suspicion that it is about to get worse. He says — you help me and I’ll help you. So there you go. Now as far as I know — he, Bill and Ted do not know one another, nor does anyone I know in the soul circle. I’ll be curious on how this all pans out. But — I know he is supposed to be here, not by just what the says, but because for the last several days I have seen images that are either him — or reminds me of him. Usually a good indicator.
I’ve been sending Ted some serious light. I’m still trying to figure out though, what to say in the letter that is to go to Ted. With all that is going on, it’s difficult to come up with the right words. But I trust that they will come to me and at the right time. Ted is so completely closed off. The same closed off that I’m fighting not to happen to me. I would love nothing more than to have a good drunk. However, it’s not happening — not for awhile. I need my wits about me and so does Ted. He’s so close to losing it all — too close. I hope that Bill has been able to chat with him — if even just to say Hi.
Time soon to get the kid from school…..
Have a good day…